Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
by Lil-Hellraiser
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet? CHAP. 10 UP!
1. Magical Fortune Cookies of Doom

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all. . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ron, slow down! We're not going to be late!"  
  
"Ron listen to Harry! Stop now before you can't do anything about it!"  
  
"NEVER! I'm LATE!"  
  
"You never cared before!"  
  
Ron stopped. This was true. But tonight was a special occasion. God, he should have never eaten that extra cockroach cluster. Sugar messed him up.  
  
Harry and Hermione ran up to Ron, apparently out of breath, and glared at him. "You have issues!" Hermione said, huffing and puffing still. "For Merlin's sake Ron, its only CHINESE FOOD!"  
  
*Mmm. Chinese Food* Ron thought hungrily. "Ron, honestly, just walk like a normal person down to dinner with us instead of running like a bloody horse from Hell." Harry said, red in the face. Ron, had an advantage in running between the three of them, for he was slightly taller than the sixteen year old Harry, as he stood at 6'0 in height, and had naturally long legs. Harry was about 5'8 and still was gigantic to Hermione, who was by far the shortest at 5'6.  
  
Running a hand through her tangled, bushy brown hair, Hermione glanced around nervously. "Oh, what?" asked Ron in an exasperated tone.  
  
"Did any teachers see us running like that?" she asked, twisting her hair around. "I mean, we were being sort of loud. . ."  
  
"Hermione, no one saw us," Harry assured her. "If they had, they would have told us off by - "  
  
" - Weasly, Granger, Potter! Fifteen points from Gryffindor!" Professor Snape barked.  
  
"Damn."  
  
"And another five points for use of explicit language, Mr. Weasly!"  
  
Ron glowered at Snape as he disappeared into the Great Hall. "What a git." Harry said, staring after him.  
  
"I agree." Hermione nodded. "But now I'm starving and don't really care about house points (Ron and Harry gasped upon hearing this). Let's eat!" The boys followed Hermione into the Great Hall and took seats next to Ginny Weasly and Colin Creevy (much to Harry's dismay) at the Gryffindor table. They saw the Slytherins sneering at them across the Hall and returned it with equal looks. Draco Malfoy, a blonde Slytherin looked a bit happier than usual, and smirked at Harry every time their eyes met.  
  
"Malfoy looks a tad over-excited." Ginny said, waiting for some food to appear on her plate.  
  
"Wonder what he's up to." Ron said, examining his fork in the light. "Who cares?" Harry said as some food appeared onto his plate. Ron squealed with delight and attacked an egg roll so ferociously that poor Colin feared for his safety. Bits of food sprayed onto Hermione's plate and she swatted them away, scowling.  
  
"Ron, please!" she said making a face. "That's gross. Act civilized in public at least." He looked up at her with a mouth full of egg and noodles and gave her these adorable puppy eyes. This caused everyone to break out laughing at Ron which in turn made him snort food into Colin's hair. *This* in turn made everyone howl with laughter, except for Colin, who was trying to pry the partially eaten food off his head.  
  
After everyone had a good laugh, the food disappeared and everyone stared in wonder as Dumbledore clapped his hands loudly, and fortune cookies appeared in little glass bowls on every house table.  
  
"Oh wow!" Harry said, reaching for one. "I remember these. They carry fortunes in them, right?"  
  
"Yeah Harry, only these are Wizarding Fortune Cookies." Ron said importantly.  
  
"What's the difference?" Hermione asked, while observing one. "They look like ordinary muggle fortune cookies to me."  
  
"There's the catch, Hermione. They look like ordinary muggle fortune cookies to YOU. You've obviously never had one of these before."  
  
"Oh REALLY?" Hermione said hotly. "Please fill me in then. What is so special about these?"  
  
"Well, It's almost the same, really." Ginny piped up, opening one. "You open one, it reads your fortune to you, then. . .turns into something."  
  
"Like what?" Colin asked curiously.  
  
"It can be anything." Ron answered. "Fireworks, flowers, a rotting skull. . .it's a surprise."  
  
"Here, watch." Ginny cracked open a cookie and it floated in front of her face unraveling a piece of parchment from inside it. "THERE IS LOVE IN THE NEAR FUTURE" said a windy voice. "IT IS RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE AS WELL. . .STAY ALERT." Then it transfigured into a broomstick figurine.  
  
Ginny giggled as she glanced over at Harry, who was cracking open his own cookie. His cookie opened up and a clear voice said:  
  
"TIME IS WASTING. . .LOOK TO THE SOUTH, LOOK TO WEST, BUT THIS IS A PUZZLE YOU'LL NEVER GUESS. POISE TO THE EAST, GLANCE TO THE NORTH, LISTEN TO THE WIND AS IT CALLS YOU FORTH".  
  
In a single movement, Harry turned his head and saw Ron and Hermione had the exact same fortunes.  
  
"Is that supposed to happen?" Hermione asked Ron nervously.  
  
"I don't know." Ron admitted. "I didn't think that any fortunes were ever alike!" As they glanced around at each other anxiously, they noticed that one another was fading. Eyes widening, they grabbed everything to hold themselves in place, but their hands seem to go through it all. And in one brilliant flash of light, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasly, and Hermione Granger disappeared completely, with nothing left except their fortune cookies, which had all turned into identical plastic time-turners.  
  
Across the hall, Draco watched the scene from the shadows. He had no idea how far in the past he sent them to, but he figured that they deserved it, wherever (or WHENever) they were in time.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
YAY! First chapter all done! *pats self on back* I'm so proud of myself! Please Read and Review this IS my first fanfiction so I really want nice, CONSTRUCTIVE feedback *glares at evil haters* 


	2. Pranks and Pretty People

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . .I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Let's see . . .Moony, did you get the goods?"  
  
"All right here."  
  
"Great. Wormtail, have you seen . . .?"  
  
"Yep. All asleep."  
  
"Excellent." A boy with black, messy hair and round, thin rimmed glasses rubbed his hands together, like those evil dudes in movies. At least that's what he thought that they were called. They could have been 'nookies' too. He wasn't sure.  
  
"Prongs, Subject L.E. moving to Sector D6. I REPEAT! SUBJECT L.E. IS"  
  
"OKAY SIRIUS! I get it. She's going to the Common Room. Okay. Jeez." James Potter was currently in the process of telling off his best friend, Sirius Black. Actually, before that, the two boys had been plotting revenge against HER. Lillian Evens, who, in James' opinion was the cutest redhead to ever grace his presence. Why did he want revenge, you ask?  
  
He had to get her back for telling him to quit bugging Snivillus Snape last semester, while they were all still in fifth year. 'But he loves her!' You say. That may be so. BUT that doesn't stop him from turning her hair blue and switching her shampoo with magic bleach.  
  
Remus Lupin had only just emerged from the girl's dorms accompanied by another boy, Peter Pettigrew. They were each carrying two bottles of shampoo/conditioner. Smiling evilly, James cackled like a witch and high fived Remus. Suddenly, Sirius burst into the room, rolling around on the floor like a secret agent.  
  
After watching for a moment, Peter quickly stepped in Sirius' way, just when he was finishing up his somersault. He crashed into Peter, but Peter (being much fatter than him) stood his ground and watched Sirius squirm.  
  
"Padfoot! Knock it off! What did you see?"  
  
Apparently, Lily had fallen asleep in her dorm so Sirius could easily color her hair. He needed to retreat, because she had awoken, and decided to catch up on some late-night reading in the Common Room. Remus and Peter had sneaked into the dorms as well, and switched the shampoo with bleach, leaving James (seemingly) innocent. When Lily noticed her hair, he would go down and comfort her (as Sirius so beautifully put it).  
  
"Alright men." James announced. "I'm going in." They boys saluted each other, and watched James march down the stairs. Lily was thumbing through her Charms Spellbook. Blue hair framed her face, and James fought not to laugh.  
  
"Lily! When did you wake?" he asked pleasantly.  
  
"Just now." She said, eyeing him carefully. "What's up?" 'DAMN!' James thought frantically. 'SHE KNOWS! HOW DOES SHE KNOW?'  
  
"I was only . . . SWEET MERLIN! LILY! Did you see your hair?" He said, trying to sound surprised. Lily frowned and twisted a piece of her hair. Which was now blue.  
  
"James Potter!" she said, obviously pissed off. "YOU WILL PAY!" she stood up and chased James back to the boy's dorms, ignoring James' cries of 'It wasn't me!' and 'I was upstairs the whole time!'  
  
Remus, Sirius and Peter found it hard not to laugh as Lily grabbed James around the collar and started clawing at his neck. "Say goodbye to James boys!" she said as she prepared to jump onto him. "Bye, bud." Sirius said. Remus waved. Peter was still recovering from the entire ordeal.  
  
Just as Lily was about to spring, there was a flash of light, and a boy with red hair landed on her. She fell under his weight, surprised, and quickly stood up. They watched as a boy who could have been James' twin fell onto the red-haired kid. Both the boys groaned and stood up, looking around.  
  
"Ron?" asked the James' look-alike. "Where's Hermione?"  
  
That question was soon to be answered, as a girl with bushy hair appeared out of no where and landed upon Sirius' head. Both people fell to the floor, and the girl slid into his lap. Sirius looked surprised at first, but then warmed up to the idea. He shook her gently.  
  
"Hey!" he said, brushing hair out of her face. "Wake up! Your friends are here!" Hermione opened her eyes, and then she jumped out of Sirius' lap as if on fire. She hugged James.  
  
"Where are we Harry?" she asked burying her head into his shirt. James was about to ask whom this lunatic thought she was, when his twin spoke.  
  
"Hermione? I'm over here."  
  
She glanced over at Harry and gasped. Stepping away from James, she squeaked and ran into Ron, who she hugged tightly. Then she looked up.  
  
"Ron . . ."  
  
"Yeah?" Ron got close to her face.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO US?" she screamed, making him wince, and the Marauders snigger. The only person who hadn't recovered was poor Lily, who was still staring in shock at Ron. Without warning, she fainted clear away. Harry seemed to be staring a lot at Lily, and caught her as she fell. Obviously, James was jealous. This guy had his good looks and everything! For all he knew, Lily would go out with HIM instead!  
  
"Sirius? Lupin?" Ron asked faintly. Remus eyed him carefully. Who were these people? He had sure as heck never seen them before. Looking at Sirius, he saw that he was equally confused. I mean who WOULDN'T be weirded out if a pretty girl landed on them then ran to her friends, who happened to know their names?  
  
Hermione kept staring at James. He began to think that this was unhealthy. "James Potter?" she said weakly. After he nodded, she fainted in the redheads' arms.  
  
"Who the hell are you people?" Peter asked. He was mad. No one had said his name yet. The twin of James glanced at him. "Hello rat." He said rudely. Peter recoiled. Okay.  
  
"I'm Ron Weasly." The redhead said, adjusting the girl in his arms. "This is Hermione Granger, and this is my best friend . . ." he was unsure of what to say.  
  
"Harry Porter." Harry said, looking up from his future mother. James' eyes widened, as the two boys surveyed each other. Oh yeah. They could have passed as twins all right. Except this guy's eyes. They reminded him of someone . . .  
  
"So, you fancy Evans huh?" James asked, coolly. He was going to figure out why there was a stranger staring at his future girl. Harry's eyebrows furrowed, and a look of sadness passed upon his face. Only for a moment though. It left as soon as it came. After throwing Peter pure looks of loathing (which made him shuffle off to a corner), the boys took the girls in their arms down to the Common Room.  
  
Exchanging glances between one another, the Marauders followed. By the time they arrived downstairs, Harry and Ron had already left the portrait hole.  
  
"That boy looks a lot like you, James." Remus said, seeing their cloaks disappear around a corner. "And they seem to know their way around too." He mused.  
  
"Yeah I know." James watched as they fled into another corridor. "What did you do to them Peter? It looked like they hated you back there."  
  
"I've never seen them before!" Peter argued. "Have you?"  
  
"Nope. That girl though . . ." Sirius said dreamily. Remus slapped his head. "WHAT?" Sirius asked, staring after the boys ahead of them. "She was cute! It's not everyday a girl lands in your lap . . . and in our DORMITORY no less!"  
  
The four friends agreed, and stopped walking as they watched Harry and Ron disappear into the infirmary. They saw Harry lay Lily down on a bed, still staring wistfully at her (making James' fist clench). Then the boys took Hermione and traveled down the hall towards Dumbledores' office.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
YAY! Chapter two is DONE! ME PROUD. Okay, now I want to know . . . how do you get bold and italics up? Thanks for all who like it! Please R&R! Feel  
free to email me with suggestions! 


	3. The Golden Toilet

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
A/N: ALL RIGHT! The third chapter! I'm so happy that all of you like it! First of all, I'm not sure if I should get Hermione into a relationship with Sirius . . . feel free to tell me what you think! NOW on to the PLOT! We switch for a while to Voldemort's P.O.V. to learn my plot twister! Don't worry, we'll see some of our main characters plenty soon!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Voldemort's P.O.V. (as if you didn't see that coming) 1996  
  
'I need a new plan.'  
  
'All this time I've wasted . . . it sucks. For the love of Merlin (not that I find Merlin appealing or anything), I'm a fricken snake-head who speaks snake language and lives in a big red chair. In a stupid cave west of Malaysia or something. With no wizard power.'  
  
'Heck, with hardly any power at all.'  
  
'I didn't say that. I have power. Plenty of it.'  
  
'I got my loyal servants, a python for a pet, and plenty of people I could kill with the swish of a wand . . . finger . . . um. No. My Death Eaters usually kill for me now days. And Nagini has lots of fun with the poor muggle children.'  
  
'I have just discovered how useless I truly am.'  
  
'NO.'  
  
'I do not enjoy the way this conversation is going. If you can call this a conversation. Damn, am I psycho too?'  
  
'I refuse to admit it. I have lots of reasons for being here. Destruction, torture, killing off that blasted Potter kid . . .'  
  
'Ooh how I despise that retched boy. Why is it that I am the most powerful being in the world, and as a baby he manages to strip me of all power? No matter. I'm back now. It will be fun playing around with him. But now . . .I got to find my power. But where did I put it?' (Tries thinking hard)  
  
'Oh yeah.'  
  
*End P.O.V.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Dumbledores' Office, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 1976  
  
"Well children, you do have yourselves in a bit of a pickle, now don't you?" Dumbledore said, popping a lemon drop into his mouth. Hermione, who had since woken up, suppressed a giggle. The old wizard glanced at her strangely. She promptly wiped the smile off her face and tried not to think that maybe this guy had an unhealthy obsession with the muggle candies.  
  
"What do you mean, Sir?" Harry asked, watching a baby Fawks rise from the ashes. It seemed that today was his Burning Day.  
  
"I mean, Harry," Dumbledore said quietly, "that I have no way to get you back. The only way to get back to the future (a/n: a great movie, I might add) is to have someone from there come HERE and get you."  
  
"What?" Ron piped up suddenly. "How does that happen? Even if they figure out we had a mishap with some strange time device, they won't have any idea where the heck we went to!"  
  
"Everyone except for ME." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "You see, my future me should have already experienced this encounter with you, should he not? If I'm not mistaken, I should be able to remember this day, having it already being strange enough."  
  
"So, we can get home?" Harry asked hopefully.  
  
"I didn't say that." Dumbledore said, folding his arms. "I said that my future self might remember. But, in the course of about twenty years, anything is possible. I could have had a memory charm placed on me as to block out this very conversation." Hermione gasped at the thought of this.  
  
"In other words, we're stuck until your future self figures out something?" Ron asked. Dumbledore nodded. "Now, I presume you'll be staying a while. I will allow you to stay in the guest dormitories, and," he handed them each a piece of parchment "write your school schedules down on these. You're all in Gryffindor, correct?" They nodded.  
  
"Great. Password to the common room is 'Fawks Day'." He said, smiling at his phoenix, which let out a shrill cry of approval. "Make sure you don't say anything to give you away. It might alternate the future." He reminded them.  
  
"Alright. Thanks Headmaster." Hermione said, and she ushered the boys out of the room.  
  
"Harry? A word?" Dumbledore called. Harry beckoned him friends to meet him outside and sat down in his previously occupied seat. "Yes, Sir?"  
  
"Harry, I sense strong power from you." Harry flushed. "And I have found something interesting that was lodged in between some crates in a cave. It matches your power, but only just. Look." And to Harry's IMMENSE surprise, Dumbledore pulled out a toilet from his robes. It was only about three inches tall, and golden. It glittered and glowed yellow.  
  
"Maybe you should hang onto it." He said, his eyes twinkling even more than usual. Harry was still staring in wonder and fascination.  
  
"Sir, what am I supposed to do walking around carrying a golden toilet?" Harry asked. "People with think I'm out of my mind!"  
  
"Hide it in your pocket." Dumbledore suggested. "Keep it safe. And tell no one about it. Not even your friends out there."  
  
"But WHY?" Harry said, tucking it into his robes. "I have a feeling it might be useful. Now, hurry to bed. We must announce you to the school tomorrow and then there's the dueling club!"  
  
"Dueling Club?" Harry asked. He had always felt uneasy about dueling clubs ever since his second year, when he found he could speak Parseltounge and scared half the school into thinking that he was the Heir of Slytherin. Seeing the uneasy look on Harry's face, the Headmaster asked "Is something wrong?"  
  
"What? Oh, no Sir. I was just remembering an unpleasant experience from my last dueling club." Dumbledore smiled, and sent Harry to his friends before allowing the baby Fawks to nip at his fingers.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Voldemort's P.O.V.  
  
'Shit. This isn't good.'  
  
'There's something I forgot. Damn. This makes no sense. I must have . . .'  
  
'Oh. God.'  
  
"NO! I KNEW IT! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID? IGNORANT? BLUNT???" I shouted to the world, wondering if they could hear me in Canada.  
  
I clenched my fists and hissed. This sucked beyond all belief. And I still had no idea what the hell I did wrong. I knew one thing though.  
  
My power was in the hands of a person.  
  
Namely: Harry Potter.  
  
*End P.O.V.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Back in 1976  
  
Harry was walking into his guest dormitory with Ron, as Hermione turned into a different room. They said goodnight, and were preparing to get some sleep, when his scar began to burn. Bad. It hurt almost as bad the Cruciatus Curse. Only nothing was worse than that. He touched his scar, and let out a low growl of pain.  
  
"Harry?" Ron questioned. "What's wrong? Is it your scar?"  
  
The pain was gone.  
  
"Yeah," Harry answered, looking up at Ron with glinting eyes. "I think . . ."  
  
"What?" Ron asked anxiously, fiddling with his bed hangings. "Is it something about You-Know-Who?"  
  
"Yes." Harry said again. Ron turned his full attention to Harry. "I think . . .he's angry. No, furious is more like it." He knitted his eyebrows together.  
  
"Really furious . . ."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dum, dum, DUM!  
  
That's the third chapter! I'm hoping to have Snape, along with Lily and the Marauders in the next chapter, which may not be posted until Friday 'cause I got school tomorrow and stuff (BANGS HEAD ON WALL). Hem hem. Sorry for all you school-geeks out there (j/k)! Continue to Read and Review with requests or suggestions (what's the difference?) 


	4. Dueling and Jelousy

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
Okies, I figure you've all waited long enough for the next chapter, and I was so tired of NOT writing that I couldn't help myself! (I spoil you guys!)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry and Ron awoke to Hermione pounding on their bedroom door and yelling that they were going to be late for breakfast. After a mad dash to the shower (Ron won), they were dressed, and met Hermione in the Common Room to walk to breakfast.  
  
"Wait up, guys!"  
  
They all turned to see four VERY familiar faces in front of them. James Potter, who was pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, grinned at them warmly. Peter gave a squeak, which acknowledged his presence, and shyly smiled. Remus was walking off to the side, and waved while running a hand over his sandy hair. Sirius gave a wink at Hermione, and flashed a huge grin at her, in hopes to make her weak in the knees.  
  
She wasn't.  
  
If anything, she looked a little sick.  
  
Frowning, Sirius walked up to Harry. He extended his hand. "I don't believe we were all properly introduced last night. Harry, wasn't it? I'm Sirius, that's Remus, Peter, and of course, James."  
  
Harry smiled weakly, and eagerly shook Sirius' hand. Sirius decided to try his luck at Hermione again.  
  
"Hermione, huh? That's a nice name. I think I have a cousin named Hermione." From behind him, James turned a laugh into a cough and Remus snorted. "Great line, Padfoot. Brilliant." Sirius blushed and stepped back a few steps.  
  
Ron cleared his throat, and stepped to the side of Hermione, laying a hand on her shoulder protectively. James looked puzzled. "Are you guys going out?" he asked.  
  
Hermione's eyes flashed and Ron blushed as red as his hair. "NO we are NOT." She said, picking his hand off of her. Sirius let out a breath of relief.  
  
"Join us for breakfast?" Remus asked. Harry nodded and they all entered the Great Hall. Suddenly, Harry was bombarded by a mass of red curls. Looking down, he saw that it was Lily, and she was hugging his tightly. She let go and flushed at him.  
  
"I'm sorry, I was just so thankful that you got me to the hospital wing last night . . .you didn't have to." She said shyly. James looked furious. "But I wanted to." Harry said, remembering his mother's melodic voice. She smiled and reached for his hand.  
  
"I'm Lily Evans." She said shaking it. "I know." Harry responded faintly.  
  
"What?" she asked, confused. "But I've never seen you before."  
  
After realizing his mistake, Harry said "Oh, but I heard people talking about you on the way down. You must be pretty popular."  
  
Lily looked at her feet. "Oh . . ." she said. "I guess I might be." She said, embarrassed.  
  
"Lily, no need to be shy!" Sirius piped up. "Everyone here knows your name, and you have fantastic grades, along with your GREAT looks." Lily blushed crimson and studied her feet as it they were fascinating. Remus smirked as James glared at Sirius, who just threw him a charming smile.  
  
"Anyway, I'm Harry Porter." Harry said to Lily. Lily brightened.  
  
"Join me for breakfast, won't you Harry?" she asked him, motioning towards the Gryffindor table. He nodded and grinned the famous Potter grin, eager to spend time with his mother. Everyone looked back at James, who was beyond furious now. He was . . .there was no word to describe this. HIS girl just asked a total stranger to breakfast.  
  
"Wait, Lils!" He shouted, and Lily turned around. "You want us to join you?"  
  
Lily pretended to think, but then Harry whispered something in her ear. "Alright." She said and they all ventured to the Gryffindor table.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After breakfast were the classes. In Transfiguration, Hermione and James were trying to see who could transfigure the most objects in the room. Hermione won, by three items. Needless to say, Professor McGonagall was unhappy and refused to let them out until everything was restored.  
  
In Charms, she amazed Sirius by mastering the Confundus Charm on her first try, and obviously, Harry and Ron did the same, leaving Professor Flitwick stunned in admiration for his three new favorite pupils.  
  
In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Hermione and Remus were to answer a descriptive question about Dragons. They raised their hands into the air, and while glaring at each other, tried to raise their hand higher that the other. When they couldn't raise their hands any higher sitting down, they merely climbed onto their chairs, and then the desks. They both really wanted to answer this question.  
  
Everyone had a higher respect for Hermione by the end of the day (except Remus; she had gotten to answer the question, and had answered it better than Remus thought HE could).  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Guys, let's go!" Ron yelled to Harry and Hermione that night after dinner. The three had gone back to their dorms to study some excellent spells, and then taken some naps before the Dueling Club.  
  
"I'm ready!" Harry announced, appearing at the top of the staircase. "Hermione?"  
  
"Right behind you." She said, suddenly beside him (I know that makes no sense, saying she's behind him when she's beside him . . .). The group departed from the Common Room and walked down some staircases onto the fourth floor, where Defense Against the Dark Arts was held, and waited for the dueling to begin.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Where IS it?" James was searching under his bed, bottom in the air. "Where's what?" Peter asked, plopping down onto his (James') bed. A loud * thump * was heard.  
  
"OW! PETER! YOU SAT ON MY GODDAMN HEAD!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"I'm looking for the Map." At the mention of the Map, the three other Marauders took out their wands, stuck on their dragon-hide gloves and Halloween masks (for facial protection), and proceeded to help James search under his bed.  
  
"God, James," Sirius said, shoving a pile of smelly sandwiches aside. "You need to do some spring cleaning."  
  
"The house-elves are obviously too frightened to look under here." Remus said, pushing away some old moldy pieces of parchment. "Really, James, this is nasty down here!"  
  
"I know." James said, and stood up, brushing off his robes. "Well, it's not under there." He said, and began to double-check his trunk.  
  
"How can you tell?" Sirius asked, "Its too messy under there."  
  
"I know my bed Padfoot." James insisted. "Bottom or top." (A/N: I had this conversation with my mom when we were under my bed looking for my band book!)  
  
With a yelp of triumph, James lifted the Marauders Map into the air, dusting it off, as it was sacred.  
  
"And where did you find that?" Remus asked, brushing off his robes.  
  
"On my bedside table. Imagine that!" James said, and then cleared his throat. "I solemnly swear that I am up to -"  
  
"JAMES! We're late for the Dueling Club! We can look at the map later! Let's just GO!"  
  
Without reading the map, James tucked it into his robes and the Marauders ran down the corridors to their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Alright, students. I am pleased to see so many smiling faces here!" Professor Dumbledore's eyes lingered on the three new students. "I will be calling people up to duel in pairs. You may use any tactic to knock out your opponent, but it must be a curse or charm within the rules. Clear?"  
  
Murmurs were heard throughout the classroom. A hand tapped James on the shoulder. It was Lucius Malfoy, a blonde haired Slytherin and James' arch rival. Beside him stood Severus Snape, and greasy headed git who was usually the butt of James and Sirius' horrible pranks.  
  
"Hello, Potty. Loony. Petticoat. Blackhead." He said, smirking as the four glowered at the pet names he had given them. "How's life?"  
  
"It was a lot better when you were gone, Malfoy." James said. "Get lost."  
  
"No need to get angry." Lucius said. "Let's go, Snape. It appears that our presence is not welcomed here."  
  
"You got that right." Said a fuming Harry, suddenly, making Snape jump. "Move it." So, Lucius walked to a corner with Snape, muttering something about beating their sorry asses with the Cruciatus Curse.  
  
"When did you guys get here?" Remus asked.  
  
"We just arrived." Hermione replied.  
  
"Ahem! The first duel is . . ." Dumbledore was drawing names out of a simple old farmer's hat. "Hermione Granger." Hermione stepped up. "And, Lucius Malfoy." Hermione's smile faltered as everyone else gasped.  
  
"Hermione can't fight that monster!" Harry whispered to Ron.  
  
"Hermione has had to deal with worse before." Ron answered. "She's outdo herself. No worries."  
  
Hermione on the other hand, was on the verge of tears. * Why, why, WHY? * She thought. * It's bad enough that I face his own son every day! Now I got to duel this creep? Damn. *  
  
The two people stepped up to the long table, aware of all eyes on them. Hermione raised her wand, as did Lucius. "Get ready to lose, Mudblood." He hissed, and Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously. She couldn't take it when people said that to her. This creep was going down. All worries forgotten, they turned from each other and walked to the ends of the table."  
  
"One, two, three!" Dumbledore shouted and clapped his hands.  
  
"Protego!" Hermione shouted, and a temporary barrier was placed over her, so that no spells could get to her. She racked her brain for a useful curse.  
  
"Expelliarmus!" She cried, and Malfoy was taken by surprise. His wand flew off the table, and he was thrown against the wall. Then, remembering Harry's brilliant duel from second year shouted out "Rictusempra!" and Malfoy doubled over laughing. Finally, she shouted out,  
  
"Hiporitsta!" and Malfoy was violently thrown up to the ceiling. He fell onto his face, and lay unconscious. Everyone was silent, and Dumbledore was unusually grim.  
  
"Enervate!" he said, and Lucius was restored to full consciousness. He glared as Hermione was proclaimed the winner, and everyone clapped.  
  
"NEXT, we have, Ronald Weasly and Severus Snape!" Dumbledore announced, and Ron was tickled with delight. He practically jumped up to the table to duel. Snape was less enthusiastic and took his time. When they reached the middle, they bowed and then went to their places.  
  
"One, two, THREE!"  
  
"Impedimenta!" Snape shouted, but Ron dodged it (growing up with five brothers didn't teach him nothing!) and then shouted "Fortrius!"  
  
Snape began singing out in a horribly off-key voice "CHAMPANE BUBBLES OF LOOOOVE!"  
  
Ron sniggered, and then finished Snape by yelling "Youlimade!" and out of no where, a large rock bashed Snape in the back of the head. Looking dazed, Snape fell off the stage with the force, and once again, the room was quiet. "Enervate!" was heard and then a new pair of duelers.  
  
"Harry Porter and James Potter!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
WOW! I think that's the longest so far! Please review, I'm sorry if I haven't posted lately! Busy times, I got! * Huggles u all who review! *- 


	5. A New Friend, Unexpected Worries

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
Oh, MAN I am SO sorry that it's taken me SO long to update! As you all know, school has been consuming a lot of author's lives lately, my own included! So, without further to do, here is the duel between James and Harry Potter! Also, only one person has noticed something odd about Lucius Malfoy in the last chapter . . .  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Harry Porter and James Potter!"  
  
Harry froze, and his wand fell from his immobile hands. Ron hastily picked it up and thrust it into his hands before pushing him forward towards the large table. James looked shocked. How good would this guy be, if his two best friends had just knocked out the biggest bullies in school history in a matter of seconds?  
  
Harry turned towards Dumbledore, who gave him an innocent shrug, and held up the hat full of parchment, as if to say 'I'm just the one drawing names, here.'  
  
Pale faced, Harry began the short journey up the stairs of the table.  
  
"Don't worry, James." Sirius was saying, rubbing James' shoulder, as if he were going to go boxing instead of dueling. "This guy is sure to be a piece of cake; everyone knows you're the best dueler in the year."  
  
Now very miserable, Harry trudged on until his was standing full on the table, and the curious eyes of the students were upon him.  
  
"Lighten up, Harry! You look positively green!" A female voice called out. Turning, Lily waved, her bright hair standing out in the crowd. "I'm sure you'll do great, Harry!" she said, smiling. He brightened a considerable amount, and gave her another Potter grin. James, watching this little exchange of interactions, was glowering at the both of them. He got extremely furious when Lily blushed as red as her hair and looked at her shoes. With a new spark of determination in him, he quickly marched up to the table and swung himself up onto it by his hands, hoping to impress Lily.  
  
After quickly glancing back at her, he realized that she was still watching that Porter kid. He had failed to get her attention once again.  
  
That didn't mean that he hadn't caught the attention of every single other girl in the room.  
  
All the female occupants whistled and giggled as he made his impressive entrance. Lily looked up, and narrowed her eyes when she saw James being bombarded by a couple of rather feisty girls. She marched over to where Harry was and whispered something in his ear, to which he nodded eagerly and grinned, making Lily giggle.  
  
"DAMMIT!" James said aloud.  
  
"Mr. Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor for your foul use of language!" McGonagall called out, and James blinked.  
  
"Now, on you go!" Dumbledore rushed them, and they quickly met each other in the middle of the table, wands raised, and then sharply drew them down. James noticed that this guy had familiar looking eyes and he never broke eye contact, not even to blink. They turned and walked to their respective table ends, and faced each other in a dueling stance.  
  
"One."  
  
Harry drew in a breath and searched his head for a quick jinx.  
  
"Two."  
  
James smiled slyly, and winked at Remus, Sirius and Peter, who gave him thumbs up in turn. The entire room was thick with tension.  
  
"Three."  
  
"PROTEGO!"  
  
Harry cast a shield charm, which bought him some time to think. James looked at him, and waited. * He's waiting for my shield charm to weaken * Harry realized, and hurried himself.  
  
"Furnunculus!" James said clearly, when Harry's shield diminished. Harry had barely looked up, when he saw a flurry of colors headed for him. He quickly jumped out of the way (by back tucking into the air, high above the spell) and made a mental note to thank Remus for teaching him that when he got home. Of course, as he landed and looked at the young Remus' awed face, he had probably just given him the idea for it.  
  
James cursed inwardly and resumed his dueling position.  
  
"Stupefy!" Harry cried, and a red beam of light shot towards James with a burst of speed. He dived out of the way, and the spell hit the wall behind him. His friend's exchanged nervous looks.  
  
"Tarantallegra!" James shouted, and before Harry had time to see anything, the curse hit him in the chest and he fell onto his back. A second later he burst upward and his legs began dancing themselves crazy in the form of a swing dance. Harry saw James' triumphant look, and quickly glanced to see his mother. She had a hopeful look on her face and gave him the peace sign.  
  
* It's definitely the seventies then. * He thought as he shouted "Finite Incantatem." And his legs stopped dancing of their own accord. James raised an eyebrow.  
  
'Time to quit fooling around' Harry thought will a look of determination visible in his green eyes. "Bombardi Aurora!" He yelled, and a bright light burst from the tip of his wand, blinding James. The crowd watched while peeking through their fingers, and gasped as James cried out in pain. He fell onto the tabletop, twitching and holding his face. His glasses had cracked, and the pieces were lying useless on the floor below.  
  
Dumbledore stared at Harry with an expression that he couldn't read. Raising his wand, Harry sighed. He loved his father, no matter what, but this was a duel, and he was GOING to win, whether or not he liked it. 'Sorry dad.' He thought sadly as he racked his brains for a curse that would knock him out.  
  
Deciding on a nice finishing move, he got into his battle stance, but was disturbed by a strange feeling in his pocket. Searching his robes, the Golden Toilet sat innocently in his pocket, but the sickly green glow that it gave off had given it away. He touched it carefully, and was immediately shocked by the power emitting from it. He pulled his hand back, as he noticed the crowd on the floor staring at something odd at the end of the table. Turning quickly, he saw James with a look of fury etched onto his features.  
  
"Serpensortia!" He shouted, and a long black snake came rearing out of his wand, fangs bared at Harry.  
  
'SHIT!' Harry thought frantically. ' Shit, shit, SHIT!' He was overcome with a sensation on déjà vu. 'Just perfect. How the hell am I going to get rid of it?'  
  
He looked hopefully toward the teachers, but they shook their heads, and merely nodded toward the snake, obviously telling Harry that he had to do this alone. Ron and Hermione looked purely horrified, and while all this was going on, the black snake was nearing ever so closer to Harry.  
  
Then, it spoke.  
  
"Hello, sir." It said in a clear, hissing sound. "How did I get here?"  
  
'How polite.' Harry thought, and shook his head, in what he hoped to be a good gesture. He couldn't risk letting the whole school know that he was a Parseltounge.  
  
"I know you can talk to me." The snake said, coiling up. "Go on. Just say something to let me know you aren't a total ignoramus."  
  
'How the hell . . .? Smart snake!' Harry thought, and decided to throw caution to the wind. "Fine." He said, and tried to ignore the gasps and noises the students suddenly made. "You got me. I can speak snake. You're very smart."  
  
"Thanksss." The snake said, nodding its scaly head. "How did I get here?"  
  
"You were created." Harry stated. "From that wizard, behind you." The snake turned around to face a very white looking James Potter.  
  
"Did I do something wrong?" It asked, as it saw the people around him gather collective gasps.  
  
"Oh, no. It's me." Harry said. "I'm not supposed to be able to talk to you."  
  
"Oh." The snake slithered over to Harry. "What's going to happen to me?"  
  
"I don't know." Harry said, allowing the snake to travel up the length of his leg. This was a nice snake, and he was growing rather fond of him. Maybe he could . . .  
  
"Wanna come live with me? It's loads better than being feared and detested and stuff."  
  
"People detest snakes?" It asked, now on Harry's arm, and coiling around his neck in a comfortable position for both of them. "How rude."  
  
"Yeah, you tell me. So, how 'bout it?" The snake seemed to consider the offer before nodding its head. "Great. Oh, hold on." Harry said and whipped out his wand.  
  
"Sorry, James." He said in plain English, and cried out "Horospi Monolegitimus!" And James was suddenly bashed into the floor. He had been caught in complete shock, and landed headfirst, among the cries of their audience. A small trickle of blood ran down his face, everyone doubting that he was still conscious after that ordeal. A few people were still staring in shock at Harry, but he paid no notice.  
  
"I think that will be all the dueling for tonight." Dumbledore announced. "Everyone please, return to your dormitories. I believe that everyone from second to fifth year has classes tomorrow, so please get a good nights sleep." Amidst the people, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Ron, and Hermione hung behind to look at their friends.  
  
"Made a new friend, Harry?" Ron asked, grinning while the snake shot Harry a look of confusion.  
  
"This is my new friend . . .Vinci." Harry said, giggling a bit.  
  
"Vinci?" Asked Hermione with a raised eyebrow. "Why that?"  
  
"He's an extra smart snake." Harry said, winking at the serpent.  
  
"Vinci . . .I like that name." Vinci said, curling up a little tighter around Harry's neck. Harry smiled down at him while Dumbledore motioned them over. He had a tired look on his face.  
  
"I must say, you three surprised me today." He said, and Ron and Harry puffed out their cheeks proudly. "Of course, Harry, we will need to talk later about your little . . .friend." He motioned to the snake, and Harry mentally kicked himself. Dumbledore still didn't know he could speak Parseltounge!  
  
"Yes, sir." He said glumly.  
  
"And, if I may inquire," Dumbledore prodded, "The future isn't a very happy place, is it?" The three friends looked at the floor with grave looks. "I see. Well, you must be tired, so go on to bed now. Madame Pomfrey will want to inspect Mr. Potter before he leaves. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight Professor." They chorused, and began heading to the door.  
  
"Harry!" Lily called. "Wait!"  
  
"Yes, Lily?" Harry asked politely.  
  
"I was hoping that we could speak later." She said, fiddling with her robes. "Alone?"  
  
Realization dawned on him, and hit Harry like a drunk Hippogriff.  
  
"Maybe later, I got to go." He motioned his friends for the door, trying and failing to ignore the identical looks of hatred the Marauders were bestowing upon him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
James was mad.  
  
Lily might actually have a crush on this Porter guy!  
  
HIS Lily!  
  
Remus sighed.  
  
"I don't know James, he spoke Parseltounge . . ." he trailed off, looking uncertain. "Maybe we shouldn't trust him. Maybe he's spying for You-Know- Who."  
  
"Yeah, I always thought he seemed fishy." Peter said, examining James' glasses shards. "But I wouldn't call him the dark wizard type."  
  
"You never know." Sirius said darkly. "The whole lot of 'em might be in it together."  
  
"Oh, all of you please!" Madame Pomfrey fretted about as she cleaned the small cut on James' cheek. "All of you, run along now, I'm finished!"  
  
The boys scampered down the hallways, and Peter pulled out the Marauders Map.  
  
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He said, lightly tapping the parchment. Words and lines began to travel across the page.  
  
"I think we need a break." Sirius said, snatching it away from him. "How about some late-night snacks from the kitchens?"  
  
"Sounds good." James said, thinking of Harry and his friends. "I might fancy a -"  
  
"Hey, guys!" Sirius said, in a manner of panic, which he didn't ordinarily use. "Who the hell is Harry Potter?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
YEA I'm done for the night! Its 10:41 on a school night and I'm still here, making magic for you people! . . .Need . . .caffeine . . .  
  
WELL you know what to do! Read and Review please! 


	6. FrEaKy Circumstances

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.  
  
HEY! Yes, twice in two days, but I have an AWESOME explanation. I wrote an essay for my American History class, you see. My teacher thought it was great and decided that he wanted it published in our city newspaper! I was SO unbelievably happy, and the next thing I knew, the almighty PLOT BUNNIES visited me! I've been getting compliments all day . . . I will share some with you.  
  
I got a B in math, which my math teacher happily congratulated me on (no I'm not retarded, I just really wanted a B) and I'll have an A if I DO NOT fail the test on Friday, I read from page 37 to page 91 in a book today (in under an hour, which may not seem like much, an NO its not a compliment, just something good), and at my dance lessons tonight, a girl from the high school dance team told me I had great potential for the team! I feel good . . . ahem.  
  
ALSO I would like you to know that Lily DOES in fact have a crush on Harry. But no, he only likes her affection because he's never had a motherly figure before (besides Molly Weasley) and he never met his own. She only likes him because he's practically a mirror image of James, only a way better personality . . .* ducks well-aimed bludgers*. Okay, this is sorta turning out to be a parody of Back to the Future, huh? Smashing movie.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Voldemort's P.O.V. 1996  
  
Wormtail cautiously sat down in the chair provided for him as I gently stroked Nagini across the head. My toilet was gone.  
  
"Sir, we have great news to tell . . ."  
  
In the hands of Harry Potter,  
  
"Harry Potter does not seem to be in this, er, reality, anymore.  
  
Who had seemingly disappeared off the face of the world,  
  
"And we think he may have gone back in time."  
  
To the year 1976.  
  
I cursed in parseltounge and Nagini slithered away, to rest by the fire. Potter was gone, there was no denying that this kid had power. Just the wrong kind.  
  
He had my toilet.  
  
MY toilet.  
  
The power within that little bundle of gold was too much to even think about. My head hurt.  
  
"Bring me my Tylenol, Wormtail." I noticed him fidgeting anxiously in his seat, so I had given him something to do, just for the hell of having something to do.  
  
"My lord, we have run out . . ." He said, and took out some spare parchment from his robes. "I found out from . . .a source-"  
  
"Namely?"  
  
"Lucius Malfoy, sir. He said that the only explanation was that Potter must have gone back in time. It all makes perfect sense to me. His friends are missing as well, and I can recall some rather strange memories from that year . . .1976, I mean."  
  
He was ripping the parchment up very slowly while he said all this, and the constant shredding sound it made was driving me mad. I summoned a stress ball from down the hall and placed it into Wormtail's hands. He stared at it blankly. He was still mutilating the parchment.  
  
"Sir, I don't -"  
  
"SQUEEZE IT!"  
  
The death eater fell silent under my command and slowly began squeezing and releasing the ball around his hand.  
  
"I have come to a proposal, Wormtail." He stopped messing with the ball and let it drop onto the floor, where Nagini saw it and promptly slithered after it.  
  
"I need my power. I want my power. I will find Potter, and take my power back, even if I have to PRY it from his dead, cold, LIFELESS fingers!" I was vaguely aware that my voice was getting steadily higher in pitch as I spoke, and to make my servant cringe, drew it out into a cold, claws-on-the- chalkboard-laugh.  
  
He flinched at the pitch, but his hands remained to the sides of his body, until I was ready to continue.  
  
"Fetch me a time-turner, Wormtail."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched the fire in silence in the Common Room. The rest of the room had fled upon their entrance, obviously still upset from their dueling abilities. Harry had put Vinci in his guestroom, and now he was waiting for the Marauders to return so he could explain the circumstances to them.  
  
The portrait opened, but it was not the Marauders that entered, but Lily. She looked at Harry shyly, and a lump built itself in Harry's throat. 'Oh, GREAT!' he thought, rising to meet her.  
  
"We can have that talk now." He said, and Hermione and Ron walked outside the portrait hole, understanding of his need of privacy. Lily stepped closer to him and sat down in an armchair.  
  
"I didn't know that you could . . ."  
  
"Speak Parseltounge?" She nodded. "Yes, well, you're going to need the full story first. When I was younger, a Dark Wizard tried to curse me, but it backfired, and ended up transferring some of his power into me by mistake. That's just the short version."  
  
Lily sat in silence, staring ahead of them, and into the glowing embers of the fire.  
  
"Who was the wizard?" she asked.  
  
"Someone I would rather not mention." Harry said simply and crossed the room to sit on the rug. Lily scooted down next to him. Her red hair seemed brighter than it was, and she said nothing . . .until . . .  
  
"I like you a lot, Harry." She said, and Harry looked at her with a shocked face. His own MOTHER was hitting on him . . .that was wrong. He was sure that if this continued, the future would be alternated a lot. "Harry?"  
  
"I don't know what to say." He said truthfully, and he wasn't lying; he had no idea what he COULD say at a time like this. 'Oh, fuck. Just peachy. My own mother has the hots for me . . . how will I get born now?'  
  
"You don't have to say anything." Good. "I just wanted you to know." That's good. "I liked watching you duel, Harry. You seemed to look like you have had experience in it." You have no idea, he thought bitterly. Then an idea popped into his head.  
  
"Lily? What do you think of James?"  
  
"Potter?" She thought for a second, and for a fleeting second, a blush crept onto her cheek. "He's okay, just annoying, pompous, conceited, dim- witted, a prankster, and the center of the talk of the girls in this house."  
  
"And you have no feelings for him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"None at all?" Harry pleaded.  
  
"No! James Potter is the farthest thought from my mind."  
  
"So what's the closest?"  
  
Harry's mind reeled, and suddenly he wished he hadn't asked that question, because Lily was edging closer and closer as the seconds passed . . .  
  
"LILY! What are you doing? You know what he is, right?" A voice broke through his thoughts and he quickly glanced over to the portrait hole where the Marauders were hurrying in. 'Thank God! Someone up there DOES love me!' he thought, as Lily rose up from their sitting position.  
  
"Yes. And I don't really mind. Sod off Potter."  
  
"Which one?" James asked, and Harry snapped his head towards him. How the hell had he forgotten? The Marauders Map! They had it . . .they must have read it. Lily stared at him strangely.  
  
"The last time I checked, there was only one Potter that attended this school, James, and that's you." She said, with a frown on her face.  
  
"Nah." Peter said, and pointed. "He's a Potter too." Harry's eyes widened.  
  
"No I'm not. I'm muggle born. Porter isn't a very common name where I'm from."  
  
"So was all that Dark Wizard stuff just a load of dung?" Lily asked, through gritted teeth. "Come on, Harry. You can tell me what's going on."  
  
Harry stood up and backed away, toward the portrait hole, while the five people closed in on him. Then, the portrait opened and Ron and Hermione strode inside.  
  
"Had a nice talk, Harry?" Hermione asked, before stopping and whipping out her wand. "What's going on here?"  
  
"Nothing guys, lets go out for a while, it's mighty stuffy in here . . ." Harry trailed off as he pushed his best friends out the portrait hole, into the hallway and out of sight.  
  
"That was odd." Remus said, and noticed a piece of parchment set on the ground. The ink was still fairly wet, and it was running down it a bit, but the message was clear:  
  
'Thank the Lord you guys have the perfect timing.' It read.  
  
Remus chuckled, remembering the situation they had caught Lily and Harry in minutes ago. The black-haired boy's face was of pure horror and shock, while the red head had been leaning closer, her eyes slowly drooping shut. He laughed inwardly and dropped the parchment on the floor, where a fuming James next picked it up. The parchment had magically cleared itself off , and now read a new message:  
  
'I don't want her.'  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry yelled as he neared the stone gargoyle. "Lemon drops." It made no movement. "Fizzing Whizby?" Ron guessed, but the statue remained motionless. "Super Duper Cherry Sprinkled Malfoy Moth?" Hermione said, and Ron and Harry gave her strange looks. She shrugged, and gasped when the gargoyle stepped aside to let them pass.  
  
"Professor!" They shouted and they ran up the steps and into the circular room which was Dumbledores' office. He was sitting at his desk, calmly reading a book on many different types and flavors of candy (how ironic.). He glanced up at their panting faces and summoned chairs.  
  
"Sir!" Harry gasped for breath. "It's about James and his friends - Professor, they know."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yes, not as well thought out as the others, but I'm here aren't I? Anyway, please read and Review, and ALSO please note that I will be making a new story about Lily and James in their seventh year . . .the traditional love stuff. Please check out my stories sometime to see it (I haven't written it yet, but I will by this Monday). THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I never expected so much support from you guys! * Accepts hanky and big golden globe * I'd like to thank my mother, and father for having me, and myself for trying hard enough to get me this far, and the PLOT BUNNIES who I couldn't have achieved any of this without! Thank you! 


	7. Snap' Goes the Redhead

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all . . . I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet.

A/N: I'm BACKKKK! Yes, bigger, badder, and bolder than ever…just kidding. This is just another one of my chapters for the story…sorry if I took so long…so beware…mwahahahaha!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What do you mean 'they know', Mr. Potter?"

Harry made an exasperated sigh and made himself comfortable on one of the chairs. Hermione and Ron seated themselves on his left and right side, Ron looking pale, and Hermione near tears.

"I mean that they know my surname. They know that I am Harry Potter. They know I can speak Parseltounge, and my own mother has the hots for me. This entire situation is ridiculous. What do we do?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully with one hand and re-adjusted his spectacles with the other. "Maybe a school-wide memory charm would do," he said. "No, that will not work. Did they figure out who you were?"

"I just told you." Harry said, puzzled. "They know my name is Harry Potter."

"No, no," Dumbledore said. "You misunderstood. Do they know _who _you are, as in, do they know that you are James Potter's future son?"

"What? No…but I think they may be a bit suspicious of it." Harry said lamely. "I mean, how many people named 'Potter' do you see these days?"

"Harry, your father comes from a long line of pure-blooded witches and wizards. There are no other Potters in Europe that is related to him. Pureblooded wizarding families study their family ancestry and history very, very carefully, because most purebloods are inter-related. He would know who you were, if you were related, and is naturally suspicious because of this fact."

Harry was staring intently at Dumbledore's face, Hermione was processing all this new information, while meanwhile, Ron's brain was suffering from information overload.

"I could come up with an explanation…that I'm from America, and live in Britain, perhaps?" Harry said.

"No, that won't do…"

The Headmaster sat in silence for a minute or two while Harry stared so hard at him that he thought that if looks could kill, Dumbledore would have been long dead. The man looked up.

"Yes?"

Harry could have hit him. The past Dumbledore wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, now was he?

"Hello!" Ron suddenly said, standing up. "We have a problem here! It's up to you to decide! What are we going to do here?"

"Oh," Said Dumbledore. "Simple enough, for the time being, a memory charm will be placed on the boys. If they remain suspicious of your past you deny everything. Deny, deny, deny. Clear?"

"Crystal." Said Hermione, who was now beside Harry. "Thank you Headmaster."

"Send for the boys on your way out." Dumbledore said, and resumed reading his candy book.

MEANWHILE**

"LILY!" James cried, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "How could you --- why did you ---? Oh, never mind."

"No, James." Lily said taking his hands away, very aware that all of the Marauders were carefully memorizing every last move she made. "What? What could you have left to say? I am trying to have a relationship here. Why are you always interfering?"

After Hermione, Ron, and Harry had left, James had picked up the note, and understood what it meant –kind of. 'I don't want her' could actually mean that he had no feelings for Lily. On the other hand, it might just be something to divert James' attention from this kid. Whatever the reason, it was certain to be of no good.

At the moment, James gulped and visibly tensed. Lily noticed and her eyes softened. "James?"

"I gotta go." James replied meekly, and made his way to the portrait hole. He knew Remus, Peter, and Sirius would follow, so he waited for them.

"So," the Fat Lady said. "You having troubles with the young lasses, eh?"

James blushed.

**In the Common Room

"Lily, listen to us." Remus pleaded.

Lily just turned away in anger. Remus sighed. "James is a really nice person. You just have to be his friend."

"His friend? HIS FRIEND?" Lily said, finally yelling out. "How could anyone be his friend? He's annoying, a jerk, an airhead, and rich! How could anyone be friends with HIM?"

"Lily, maybe you haven't noticed lately, but he only acts this way to two people. You and Snivillus." 

"You mean _Severus_?" Lily said, fuming. "Call him by his name! He might not be the nicest person you may meet, or the most pleasing to look at, but he is still a person nonetheless, and his parents gave him a name! SO USE IT!"

The three boys (peter gulping really loud) slowly backed away in horror from this demented soul. "Fine, fine." Sirius said, holding his hands up in surrender. "Just don't kill me." He grabbed Peter, who was whimpering. "Accept my human sacrifice as a holy offering to thee." 

Lily narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, which gave her an incredibly dangerous look. The electricity could almost be seen crackling on the tips of her hair as she advanced towards them, the boys backing up until they were against a wall. 

"Wait, wait," Remus said. "Don't we get to say any last words?"

Lily paused. "I suppose so."

"Don't you want to know _why_ he's giving you all this attention, however negative it may be? 'Cause we know."

Lily's eyes widened and she began to slowly regain composure. "Fine. Why does he like to bother me?"

"Because he likes you, Lils." Lily was about to tell Remus off for using his own little pet name for her, but stopped short and sucked in a breath. "And I don't mean 'a little schoolboy crush that he'll forget about in a few weeks', I mean, he really likes you."

"Oh, yeah." Sirius said running a hand through his thick hair. He grinned at seeing Lily so shocked, but when her gaze fixed on him, he wiped it from his face. "Lily, he's been talking about you ever since fourth year when he began commenting on how beautiful you are."

"Yes." Peter said, encouraged by his friend's sudden actions of casualty. "I think he might only annoy you because you already hated him when he first liked you."

She rounded on Peter, who immediately regretted speaking. "It was all his fault I fell off my broomstick in the first place!" she said. "He wasn't watching were he was going and if he was, I wouldn't have fallen forty feet down! Do you all realize that because of him, I NEVER WANT TO FLY AGAIN?"

Remus, Sirius, and Peter flinched at her tone, but didn't dare move an inch. "Yes, Lily." Sirius said. "But what I'm trying to say is that that incident happened in first year. We're in sixth year now. He was eleven. James didn't know any better" Lily snorted "_than he does now_!" 

"What we're saying," Remus said. " Is that he's changed somehow Lily. Maybe not in the best of ways, but he did, along the line, and you must be really upset to have held a grudge over something which happened over six years ago that James probably forgot about!" 

Lily was stunned at the words that struck her. She slumped down onto the floor. "Why can't he just act mature?" 

"Have you even tried being nice to him?" Peter asked. "You haven't even given him a chance in all these years. Maybe it's time that you did." 

Peter left through the portrait hole and made his way out of the school (wonder why).

"I just want us to be friends!" Lily said, glancing into the ember filled fireplace. 

"And _I_ just want a golden toilet, but it's not coming until Tuesday!" Sirius retorted, seeming pissed off. "We can't always get what we want!"

Everyone stared.

With those words, the two remaining Marauders left Lily to her thoughts and met James outside the portrait hole. 

"How'd it go?" James asked anxiously. 

"You're not going to believe this." Sirius said, his hands rubbing his temples. "Lily's still all jived up about that time in first year when you knocked her off her broom."

"That was her?" James asked, with only mild interest. Before he could say more, three figures walked up to them.

"Hello." Harry said cheerfully. James glared. Harry looked uncomfortable. "Eh, Dumbledore would like to have a word with all four of you."

"Peter isn't here." Remus said, following James' example. "He'll have to make due with the three of us for now." 

Harry shrugged and spoke the password. As Ron helped Hermione through the portrait of the Fat Lady, Sirius' hand began to 'run away' again, towards her leg. Luckily (thanks to his keeper skills) Ron caught this and promptly smacked him away. Sirius blushed and followed his friends to the Headmaster's office.

"Ron, that wasn't very polite." Hermione frowned. "You shouldn't be starting fights in this time." 

"But –"

"No buts! Get inside and go to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Headmaster, you wanted to have a word?"

"Yes." Dumbledore turned around in his chair, wand in hand. "Several, in fact. Have you obtained any odd information of the three newcomers?"

The boys were taken off guard by this sudden and rather strange question. "Well, yes." Sirius said. "He's not really Harry Porter, Sir! He's Harry Potter, and we think he's dangerous! He speaks Parseltounge, and not even anyone in MY family can do that…you know how my family is."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding, for all of Sirius' family was full of dark witches and wizards. "Gentlemen, you may have reached a misunderstanding." 

Three confused faces stared back at him.

"You can't judge a book by its cover." He spoke. "Or a person by his abilities." His eyes twinkled. "I'll catch you up on your studies personally, though you know, you won't remember why." 

"What…? Professor?" 

But their voices were drowned out by one big, loud, and powerful one.

"_OBLIVIATE_!" 

And a bright flash of light consumed their vision.

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WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! Seventh chappie DUN! Yea, it takes 486 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop (I know…I counted.)…. I'm hyper don't mind me. Now, this might be hard, but I'm asking for 15 reviews for this chapter so that I can have 60 reviews. That may seem like a lot, but if a lot of people R&R it can be done easily, and the next chapter will be up before you know it! Luv you all, you're the greatest! By the way, please take a look at my latest story, A Simple Mind, the tale of Lily and James' everlasting love…the fourth chapter is up now! BYE!


	8. Harry's Toilet Gets a Friend

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all. I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet…and my computer, too. HA!

Also, I would like to respond to a certain reviewer named 'Acacia Jules'. It seems that she has characterized my story as "not funny at ALL" and "full of plot holes". You should all know that no one could make a perfect story. That's why fanfiction.net is here…so that we can be creative and let our minds run away with us. We can build up our skills and learn to write because it is what we love to do and we should be happy with the result. I will spend no more time talking of a reviewer whose opinion DID NOT bring me down.

All right, and I have some MORE news for all of you…I KNOW I shouldn't have done this, but I have created a new story about the Marauders…WHO ELSE? Yes, its called "Before It All" and it's a story of the friendship between Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs! Betrayal, sadness, tears, and heart all rolled into one…give it a try, won't you? (BUT DON'T FORGET "A Simple Mind") Ok, you've heard enough of my blabbering…ON WITH THE STORY!

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"IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!"

Sirius Black bounded down the stairs of the common room and eagerly pressed his face up against the windowpane. To anyone who happened to be on the school grounds at this particular time and looked up at the window, Sirius' face would have been grotesquely squished up and twisted about in excitement. It was very disturbing to see.

"What's here?" Remus and James came down the stairs, each clutching their heads. You see, memory charms have some strange after effects, and mid-morning headaches happened to be one of them. Of course, The Marauders had no inkling of this, because, well, due to their memory charm, they couldn't remember. It had been four days since their memory wipe and everything had been a huge confusing blur. People had come up to them and congratulated James, asked him if he was okay and stuff like that, but he assumed it was because of his constant headaches. He heard people muttering about duels and such, but he brushed it off. He was still pretty, and that's all that mattered.

From his little spot on the window, Sirius pointed, and the three saw two large owls, each carrying the corner of a rather large package. Remus and James pushed Sirius out of the way (much to the relief of the people down below) and threw the window open, allowing the owls to swoop into the room.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stepped into the common room. "Hey, guys!" Harry said brightly. The Marauders grinned at them. Harry was jumping for joy on the inside, as was Ron and Hermione. That was one of the perks of memory charms…arguments could be forgotten and no one had to make up for them to do so.

"What's in the box?" Hermione asked, as Sirius eagerly handed the owls a small tip for their services. Hooting softly, the two owls gently took flight and disappeared in the morning sky.

Grinning, Sirius reached into the box, amongst the padding and paper, and pulled out a small, three inch long golden object. Harry's jaw dropped.

It was a toilet. A golden toilet, if you want further detail. About three inches tall, and glowing a nice golden glow. Almost an exact replica of the toilet hidden in Harry's pocket. Sirius eyed it carefully before gently picking it up and placing it onto the floor. The others moved in cautiously.

"What a freaking rip-off!" Sirius said to Harry, who was currently immobile with shock. "I paid sixty-four galleons for a golden toilet; they made it seem life size!" 

Hermione giggled. "Why on earth would you want a golden toilet?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Sirius asked. "It has been some sort of a dream of mine since I was a little tyke…bit of an obsession, really. I saw this in the store window and had it custom-made, but they couldn't just deliver it right away...its taken a while to get here. And when it finally IS here they rip me off!"

By now the young man was fuming and James patted his back. "It makes a fine decoration, mate." He said, attempting to cheer him up. "Why, it would look positively…er…GOLDEN next to your four poster!" Remus and Ron snickered at James' weak try at a joke, but quickly shut up when Sirius silenced them with a death glare.

"I should send it back." He said, picking it up and examining it over. "Should I send it back?"

"I like it." Remus said. "Don't ask me why, but it just looks kind of cool."

"Don't be stupid, Remus, look at it! Only a tad taller than my middle finger! And you expect me to—"

"I think Remus is right, it does look kind of…cute." Hermione said, squinting at it.

"I'll keep it." Sirius declared. "Thank you Hermione, you made my decision all the more easier." He reached out to take her hand. 

"Ah…you're welcome?" Hermione said meekly as Sirius lowered his lips onto her hand. He kissed it for a bit longer than necessary and Ron had to cough loudly for Sirius to pull away. Hermione was blushing deeply, more out of embarrassment than the fact that Harry's godfather was coming on to her. Sirius grinned and held the toilet up to eye level.

"Come on beautiful," He said sarcastically, and walked up the stairs to his dormitories. Rolling his eyes, James gazed out the window. He seemed to be studying the Quidditch pitch, and Harry was wondering what sorts of thoughts were running through his head. 

"The weather looks perfect for Quidditch, you know." He said softly, and Harry wondered if James was only talking to himself or the rest of his friends. "We should get out there and play some games of it…you know, before we need to take our afternoon classes and all."

"That sounds good." Harry said, grateful to be on a topic that he understood fully. "I played some Quidditch back in my other school."

"Really?" James asked, turning his full attention to Harry now, eyes glittering with excitement. "What position?"

"Seeker." Harry responded proudly. James jumped for joy. 

"Hey Ron! D'you play Quidditch too?" He called to Ron, who was having a conversation with Remus and Hermione about their favorite Quidditch teams. 

"The Chudley Cannons suck." Remus muttered to Hermione as Ron walked over to Harry and James. Hermione nodded her head in silent agreement, knowing better than to insult Ron's favorite Quidditch team when he was around.

"You're looking at a mighty spiffy Keeper here." Ron said, grinning up a storm. Harry laughed at his boldness.

"We should have a game!" James said brightly. "Sirius is the best beater on the Gryffindor Team, and I'm the top Chaser in the school…that doesn't cheat, anyway. We can have a four-person game…let' see. Sirius can be the other keeper, and I can do the seeking for our team, so you and Ron just need to decide who'll be a beater and who'll be a chaser."

Ron and Harry did some silent negotiating. James raised his eyebrows when the two boys turned to each other and stared, as if they were trying to read their minds. Finally, they nodded and turned.

"Ron agrees to be a beater. I'll be a chaser." 

James looked confused at how they figured this, but thought it best to leave the issue alone.

Sirius appeared from the stairway. He walked over to the group of teens.

"Pete's asleep _still_." He grumbled. "Poor guy must have stayed up late last night, doing God knows what."

"Ah, leave him be." Remus said. "We're gonna have a Quidditch match. You game?"

"A Quidditch match…hmmm, am I game…"Sirius pretended to think extra hard. "Uh, YES! Come on, lets get going…I'm beater right?" 

"Yep, go get our brooms from upstairs." 

"Hell no, I was just up there!"

"GO!"

Grumbling, Sirius retreated back up to the boy's dorms to retrieve the broomsticks. James motioned Remus over. "You gonna referee this time?"

Remus nodded. "One of you can borrow my broom, if you like. Peter has a broomstick too, so you can use his as well."

"Thanks." Harry said, smiling. Sirius appeared at the foot of the staircase. He threw down the two brooms to James. "Oh, Padfoot?" James called as Sirius began descending down the stairs. "Could you go get Peter and Remus' brooms too?"

"Sure." He said warily. "Where are they?"

"Our dorms."

Sirius tripped and fell the rest of the way down the stairs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The weather on that Tuesday morning was the best anyone could ask for for a little game between friends. The sun shone brightly in the distance and the sky was clear and robins egg blue colored. The grass was fresh and green, thanks to some small showers that the area had experienced lately, and there was only a small breeze that barely ruffled the branches of nearby trees. The ultimate Quidditch conditions. 

Each with their own broom, Sirius, Ron, Harry, and James walked to the middle of the pitch and mounted their brooms into the air. Up in the commentators' box, Hermione got comfortable, because she understood what Quidditch meant to her friends, and how long games could take to be completed. It was the best spot to oversee a game anyway, which was about all she was going to do.

Below the four boys was Remus, the referee of the match. A whistle appeared from inside his robes and he blew it three times. On the third whistle, Remus kicked the box of game balls open, and the bludgers and snitch soared off. 

"Come on…" Sirius urged. "If we stay still like this we'll be a perfect bludger target!" 

"Hold your horses!" Remus scolded and held the quaffle high into the air. Blowing the whistle, he threw it as hard into the air as he could because he didn't have a broom, which (considering his lycanthropy) was very far indeed. James got to the ball first, being an experienced chaser, and Harry cursed inwardly.

James was a better flyer than he expected. Every time Harry got near enough to him, he would do some sort of loop or sharp turn that made Harry's head want to fall off. Harry decided that he would continue try to block James' path to the hoops, but he would still keep a sharp eye out for the golden snitch. He wasn't a charming chaser anyway. Harry would probably end up winning the game if James didn't get too many goals. He concentrated on seeing gold.

For a split second, he thought he saw the snitch hovering around Hermione, but it may have just been the sun reflecting off of her highlighted hair, because he blinked and it was gone. James and Sirius now had thirty points. Ron was blocking the best he could, but he couldn't hold them off forever. Harry needed to intercept the quaffle. 

With a rush of speed on Remus' outdated broomstick, Harry soared over to James a kicked the quaffle from his hands with his foot. Off guard, James was still flying forward by the time he realized that he wasn't carrying anything anymore, and that he was just getting ready to throw air at Ron. Harry on the other hand, was zooming towards Sirius, the quaffle tightly under his arm. He feigned right, then left, and when Sirius was still turned to the left, he shot straight for the center hoop.

He made it. It was his first real Quidditch goal. 

He grinned back at Ron and dove for the quaffle again, newly found spirit bubbling up inside him. From the corner of his eye, he saw gold.

James was already hot on the trail of the golden snitch, which was currently zipping up and down over the sandy bottom of the pitch. It made a turn straight up, and James followed. Dropping the quaffle, Harry sped after them, going upward at a ninety-degree angle. 

And then the snitch went down. 

It bolted straight for the grass, and Harry only just had time to turn around before he saw James fly after it. James obviously had a way better broom. 

Harry urged the broom to go faster as the ground and the snitch began to rush up to him at an alarming rate. James was eye level with him now, twin determination etched onto both of their faces. They both identically lashed out their hands to catch the snitch.

Ten feet from the ground, James pulled up. He wasn't about to become some kind of Quidditch splat. And in any case, the snitch would probably move before Harry got a chance to reach it. It was best to wait until it did. 

Harry smiled triumphantly as James flew back into the open air, and stretched his arm out.

Five feet…

Three feet…

One foot…

His hand enclosed around gold and he pulled up immediately. His body skimmed the ground as he shot back into the air towards James. Sirius and Ron were circling their brooms around them, eyes wide with amazement. 

"A Wronski Feint! Alright mate! Never thought you'd make it!" Ron yelled out, punching his fists into the air. 

"A Wronski Feint." James echoed. "Even _I_ can't do that! That sort of flying takes talent, man! How do you do it?"

"You could say my dad was a great Quidditch teacher." Harry said, smiling at him. James grinned. 

"Man, that's what I'll be doing when I have kids! Gonna teach them everything I know about Quidditch and chasing…my son will be the best damn chaser anyone ever saw!"

"Who says you'll have a son?" Asked Sirius. "What if it's a daughter?"

"Trust me, mate. I'm having a son."

Harry glowed with happiness and Ron stood gaping behind him. A soft cry from below made everyone look down. Remus was trying to restrain Hermione from coming out on to the field, as the bludgers were still out and she could still get creamed with one.

Harry and Ron flew down to the bottom, eyes raised in question. Hermione ran over to Harry and pulled him off his broom forcefully, engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug. Harry hugged her back because she seemed to be dreadfully upset, but behind her shoulder, he shrugged at Ron, who looked ready to faint from laughing.

"Oh, Harry, you scared me when you did that! Do you have any idea what I was thinking up there? I thought you were going to crash…"

"It's fine, Hermione, I'm fine. I didn't crash, I knew what I was doing."

Eyes slightly wet, she glanced up at him.

  
"You're sure?"

"Yes." Harry answered truthfully, awkwardly rubbing the tears away from her face. He wasn't very good with crying girls. 

A sharp slap to the side of his head nearly knocked him down. 

"AND YOU DARED TO SCARE ME LIKE THAT? WHAT _WERE_ YOU THINKING?" 

Sirius and James were laughing as quietly as they could up in the air, and Ron was past laughing, just laying on the ground, shoulders shaking. Remus had a wide smile on his face, but did not laugh. 

Through all this, Harry was amazed at how much Hermione reminded him of Mrs. Weasley. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So, there's chapter eight! I'm VERY sorry I didn't update sooner, but school and all has been consuming me, but with winter break, you can expect 'A Simple Mind' to be updated! Also, check out my new Lord of the Rings story! BY THE WAY, has anyone seen The Return of the King, yet? BEAUTIFUL! You must see it when you can. Everyone in the theater was crying at the end. I want to see it again soon. Review PLEASE!


	9. Conversing and the Master's Chair

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all. I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet…and my computer, too. HA!

GUESS WHAT? As of February 7, 2004, I am FOURTEEN years old! Yeah I bet loads of you people out there are fourteen and blowing raspberries at the screen for me making a big deal out of this fact, but still. 

It's my birthday…I can start driving and go to the highschool soon and talk back to my parents for no reason because they'll blame it on teenage hormones! Life is good…

Yep, and I decided to update for you all as a birthday treat from me to you! Be glad my b-day is so nearby, otherwise it might have taken loads more time for me to update! 

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Lily Evans wasn't stupid.

But she evidently wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, either. 

After the memory wipe of three certain people, she had tried to put two and two together. First, Harry told her about getting cursed and scarred by a dark lord, and then James called him a relative. None of it really made sense. So she went back to Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter later on to ask what all that was about. Peter continuously denied everything that happened ("_What? No, Lily, you must be sick…nothing like that EVER happened!")_, while the other three kept giving her weird stares and said that they had no idea what she was talking about ("_Lily, listen to Peter…maybe you ARE sick…")._

So she just thought of everything as a silly misunderstanding and brushed it off. 

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"Hello Massster."

"Hey, Vinci."

Harry and Ron returned to their guest dorms after their friendly Quidditch match and Hermione had retired to her own room talking about napping for a while. Ron had reached for an old Quidditch handbook that James had lent him while Harry conversed with his nearly neglected new friend. 

"I'll have to take you to the headmaster soon, to straighten out some things." Harry said, watching the black form of Vinci slither up the bedpost, only to slip back down and then try again with the same result. "Is that some kind of recreational snake activity?"

"No, no, the possst is just too ssslippery…" The snake gave up and settled himself back on the edge of Harry's bed, a disgruntled sound in his voice. "Now whatsss thiss about a headmassster and thingsss?"

Harry smiled and sat on his bed. "No one knows I can speak Parseltongue here. People don't take kindly to Parseltongues, I suppose. Anyway, the headmaster will have to know the whole story for him to regain my trust, if he hasn't lost it already. I'm guessing not, but you never know…"

Vinci nodded and coiled up tightly. "You sssleep ssstrangely. I do not sssee you're friend do that." He jerked his head towards Ron. Harry arched a brow. 

"What do you mean 'I sleep strangely'?"

"The other night…you were calling out to sssomeone named Cccedric. And sssomeone elssse called Sssiriusss. It woke me up."

Harry froze. He had dreamed of Cedric's lifeless eyes again, yes. Sirius was also there, and his parents…he saw the form of his mother and father embracing before a green light overtook them and they screamed…

"Yesss…you cried out sssoftly at one point."

Harry gulped. "What was I saying?"

Vinci uncoiled. "Sssomething having to do with a 'mum' and 'dad'."

Eyes shutting slowly, Harry guided his head to his pillow and heavily breathed into it. _I'm still having dreams…_

He hadn't dreamed of his parents in so long…

Vinci had resumed his mission of climbing the bedpost and seemed to be off in his own little world, taking no notice of Harry or Ron. 

Ron! He turned to see his freckled friend staring openly at him, the handbook forgotten in his hands. "You need to do that somewhere else." Ron said, and Harry took note of his pale face. "It's _really_ creepy." Harry grinned and murmured an apology. 

"What…what did it say?" Ron asked, motioning to the snake, now wrapped for dear life around the post. "Is he…okay?"

"You didn't happen to wake up in the middle of the night these past few days, did you?" Harry asked, thinking back to Vinci's previous statement.

"…yeah." Ron said, voice low and questioning. 

"Was I saying anything strange?"

"What kind of things?" Ron asked, sitting down in a chair.

"You know…about Cedric, Sirius…my mum and dad…" Ron seemed to jump slightly. He looked guilty. 

"Yes." He said, head bowed. There was an awkward silence before the two decided ask Hermione to lunch in the Great Hall. 

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"Hermione! This way!" Hermione stopped suddenly, and Ron lightly bumped into her from behind. Both teens blushed slightly before acknowledging the voice calling her over. It was Sirius. He patted the seat next to him suggestively, and though disgusted, Hermione sat. 

"Do any of you take Muggle Studies?" 

Hermione beamed, answering his question. Harry and Ron rolled their eyes. Hermione had insisted on taking Muggle Studies this year, and now she felt she could cope with a time-turner because she was now older and wiser in the mind and…erm…body. What was stupid was that Hermione herself was a muggle. She only took the class to get a wizards' point of view.

"You're taking an afternoon class with me and James, then. Have you heard what we'll be doing?"

Hermione inched closer, eager to get a heads up for the class. "We're getting married." Hermione widened her eyes. They certainly hadn't done THAT in muggle studies before. "And the females have to have a weight put on their fronts for a week in class to see what it's like to be pregnant." Her eyes got wider. "And then you and your partner get an egg, and it's your kid for another week." Hermione looked away as Sirius' face began to get closer and Ron coughed. 

"'Scuse me, mate." He said and not so gently shoved Sirius over, making room next to Hermione. He sat down, and Harry sat on her other side. Hermione's face was burning a lovely pink color.

"Glad I'm not taking Muggle Studies." Harry said as he munched on a turkey sandwich. Ron nodded and reached for one, tuning Hermione out as she scolded him about being a pureblood and needing to be prepared for the muggle world if he ever had to know what everything did/was and so forth. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"PST! Hermione!" A soft whisper came to Hermione's ears and she turned around, seeing Ron's face peering at her from his desk. They were in history of magic, and Professor Binns was droning on and on about the witch burnings of 1597 and what they ever did to solve human society issues. Which was basically nothing, really. 

"Hermione!" Ron whispered again. "Can I see your notes?"

"Why?" Hermione whispered back, chancing a look at Binns, who was pointing to something on a old yellowing map on the blackboard. 

"I didn't write them down!" 

"And I bet you're really kicking yourself right about now, aren't you?" Hermione whispered enthusiastically, turning back to her own notes. She always messed with Ron this way, and by the end of classes she would give him her notes to copy, sure. She just wanted to dangle the string in front of the cat a little longer. 

Harry watched their small interaction from his seat next to Ron and grinned. It was obvious that those two liked each other. The way they fought and teased, you'd think they were dating already. 

There were still more pressing matters to attend to, though. Sirius' golden toilet had brought him a sensation of déjà vu, and he could not deny that there was something incredibly weird about it. He would have to ask Sirius if he could have a closer look at it later. And he was still fairly disturbed about crying out in his sleep. It had been ages since anyone had told him about him doing that. How long had it been? He didn't even know he did that anymore. Had Seamus or Dean or Neville heard and just not said anything like Ron? No…Dean, Seamus and Neville weren't the kind of people who would keep quiet about that sort of thing. Ron understood what was going on, and would know that Harry didn't feel comfortable talking about his dreams. The others…lacked tact, to be blunt. Neville was an exception. He'd grown up with his whole life being one big fat accident after the next, and a small mistake he made wasn't anything to fret over.

But Seamus and Dean certainly knew better. They wouldn't just walk up to him and tell him how he was talking about dead people in his sleep…

He inwardly laughed, thinking of a muggle movie that the Dursley's had rented over the summer. He glanced at Sirius. _I see dead people. _He smiled_. _Suddenly, his trip to happy land had ended with an abrupt sting of pain, and his hand reached up to nurture his scar. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Red eyes glanced around the room impatiently as a pudgy servant left in search of the requested object. A black snake was loosely coiled in front of a roaring fire, and the air was thick with waiting tension. Finally, a man in black entered, his bald head gleaming in the firelight. He held a golden object in his palms, and trembled as he draped it around the neck of his rather stiff master. A white hand reached out to finger the gold chain that held a miniature hourglass on it. The red eyes gleamed with an insane sort of joy and he brushed the smooth surface with a mixture of delight and weariness. 

"A brilliant invention," The heavily cloaked man –wizard –thing said. "And it is too bad that the oh so brilliant inventor himself had to die at my hand. Honestly. Filthy half-blood he was."

The servant listened quietly and paled, as if the icy voice of the speaker was too much for him.

"Wish me luck, Wormtail. If all goes as planned, I will have my full power back to me and that horrid Potter boy will be no longer existent."

"Yes, my Lord. And if I could please have the permit to speak, wouldn't it be wiser if I came along -"

"No."

"My Lord -"

"Silence, Wormtail. There will be no more talks of you accompanying me through the fabrics of time and space to retrieve my power. With that girth, you might bust a seam." The speaker said softly under his breath. 

The servant nodded and backed up. "Three turns, My Lord." 

The speaker nodded and turned the hourglass three times, suddenly disappearing from all corners of the present world. 

The servant stood in the silence, shaking visibly, before smirking slightly and making to sit in the large red chair that his master loved to occupy. 

The snake across the room suddenly uncoiled,lashed out at the man and nipped his heel, promising that he would not be so magnanimous if he tried anything like that again. The servant scowled before leaving the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yes, now you all know what Wormtail does when the master isn't around! Always knew he was a bad boy.

That might not be much, but its 2:58 a.m., my birthday, and I'm freaking tired! I thought that'd be a great place to end. How about you? Anyway, next chapter…Hermione gets married in muggle studies…and I betcha all know who to! Yes, and Voldie arrives in the seventies…what on EARTH will go down? Review and you'll find out ;D.


	10. Figuring Things Out

Harry Potter and the Fortune Cookies of Doom  
  
Summary: Harry Potter and friends, Ron and Hermione open a fortune cookie at dinner and are thrown back in time to the years of the Marauders! What chaos will they go through? And will Voldemort EVER find his golden toilet?  
  
Disclaimer: JK owns it all. I only own the magical Fortune Cookies and the Golden Toilet…and my computer, too. HA!

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READ THIS! READ THIS! READ ALL OF THIS!

Sorry I've taken so long to update, guys. I mean, when I first wrote this story, I promised myself that I wouldn't be one of those people who took months to update…but I'm one of them now, aren't I? I guess with summer and all my team activities going on, it was unavoidable. I think four, five months is enough of a wait, don't you?

With that said, I want to apologize again. I did end up having some writer's block for this story and none of my other stories were really updated for a while as well because writer's block really brings you down! My God! I mean, really. Come on.

And I have a question. After you all read this chapter and have reviewed (I hope you do!) look back at my first few chapters and tell me if I should revise them. Cause I know that a few weeks ago I looked at them and was like 'WOAH'! I had no idea they were that bad. I mean, the general ideas of them weren't, but the way they were written…I'm surprised I didn't get more flames.

So PLEASE help me out on that one. With all your support and criticism, I just could finally get this story DONE!

::..::

"Hermione, I feel funny." Harry put his hand to his scar. Hermione gave him a worried look.

"Does your scar hurt, Harry?" She asked him gently. He shook his head.

"No. It's just…hmm. I don't really know. It doesn't hurt, but it does feel odd…like I'm spinning around or something. You know how you feel when you've just got done from traveling by Floo Powder? Like that."

Hermione frowned. She wondered about going to Ron about this, but when she thought about it, she reasoned that he wouldn't know anymore than she did. Ron never knew any more than she did, she thought with slight pride.

"Maybe it's just nerves, Harry. I mean, I know I'm nervous today!" She gulped remembering Sirius' little fact about her upcoming Muggle Studies class. "I really don't wanna get married!"

"Hermione, chances are that we won't be here too much longer." Harry said, brushing off her anxiety. He rubbed his scar and frowned again. "That was weird…" Hermione lifted her drooped head.

"What is it, Harry?" She asked worriedly. She mentally smacked herself. Harry was obviously going through major problems and all she was worried about was a stupid class!

"My God, this is weird." Harry said, sighing. "It feels really strange. Like how I feel whenever Voldemort is near…"

"Is he nearby?" Hermione asked, seriously creeped out. "Is he angry or anything?"

"No, he can't be nearby…it just feels like there's two of me around here or something…it's probably nothing big, Hermione. Don't get upset or anything." He gave her a reassuring smile. Hermione smiled back, satisfied with his answer but still couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't right. It was only Hermione's unique nature to be overly suspicious. That's why she headed to the Library.

Harry watched Hermione leave and sighed, absentmindedly touching his scar. He had been totally lying to Hermione. He did feel something stranger than usual. It really did feel like Voldemort was near. Not near, but…here. Maybe it was just the seventies Voldemort…that thought made Harry's head spin. Was the seventies Voldemort stronger or weaker than HIS Voldemort? He didn't even want to think of what the consequences of meeting him would mean.

Harry guessed that the seventies Voldemort probably wouldn't give Harry the time of day, noting the given year. James and Lily hadn't even left Hogwarts yet, so they most definitely weren't of age to join the Order. That meant that Voldemort wouldn't even know who Lily and James Potter were. He sighed. He was safe.

But he froze. How long would it be before Professor Trelawny made that prophesy…the one that started the whole mess? He thought back to what Dumbledore had revealed to him…

'…_On a cold, wet night, sixteen years ago, in a room above the bar at the Hog's Head Inn_…"

That was in 1995, so Dumbledore obviously meant around the time of 1979. Harry's heart sank. It was already 1976. What if they were stuck here for longer than necessary? What if he was still here by 1981? What if Dumbledore forced him to join the Order? What if Voldemort figured out that he was currently in the seventies and went after him? What if-

'Harry, you're getting ahead of yourself', he told himself assuringly. He was sure that he would not be in this decade for five years, Dumbledore would never force him to join the Order of the Phoenix, and if all else failed, he was still Harry Porter and Voldemort shouldn't even want to give him the time of day.

::..::

"Hermione…"

"Yes, Sirius?" Asked Hermione patiently, scribbling down a note for they're Muggle Studies class. They were in the Library getting some last-minute research done. At least, Hermione was. Sirius happened to follow her there. He had sat down casually next to her. She was getting rather irritated because he was distracting her from concentrating on the very important assignment. "Make it quick this time."

"I was only wondering if you were going to sit here all day."

"Why's that?"

"Muggle Studies started five minutes ago." He said, leaning into his chair. Hermione gasped and gathered up her supplies in shock. As she started for the door her quill fell and when she reached down to grab it, all of her books and papers fell next to it. Sirius kneeled down next to her and helped her carry her books.

"If I'm so late, then why are you here?" She asked breathlessly, stacking everything up and hurrying down the hall, pausing to give a small smile to Madame Pince, was just about to tell them off for running in the Library.

"I like to make an entrance." He said, taking the rest of her books and slowing his pace. Hermione was practically in agony at the way he happened to walk as if there wasn't any class going on. "What's this?" He reached to the top of a pile of papers and read some of it out loud:

"_When using a Time Turner, there are common instances where the user can be in the same time AT the same time, due to going back in time by only a few hours, minutes, days, etc. However, time turners can also transport people back to a time before their birth, resulting in a normal feeling. The user should not feel the effects of the 'same time-at the same time' rule unless they are in the past longer than they should_-"

"Give me that!" Hermione snatched the paper from Sirius and folded it up. She tucked it into her robes, muttering something that sounded like 'nosy'. Sirius smirked, but couldn't help thinking about that paper. He decided that he'd mention it to James if he had time. He raised his eyebrow at Hermione. "It's…it's a project! For Harry." She stuttered.

"Right." Sirius handed her papers back to her and opened the door to Muggle Studies. Everyone looked up from their desks, and the professor looked at them extremely agitated. Hermione had never been late for a class in her life and immediately assumed that she'd have detention.

"Mr. Black, you are late again, I see," The professor said icily, reminding Hermione of Snape. "and…Miss Granger, wasn't it? Yes, well, seeing as the rest of the class it partnered up already, you will just have to have each other." He smirked and turned to the class. Hermione felt sick.

"Attention, students, may I introduce you to the new Mr. and Mrs. Sirius Black!" The classroom practically shook with laughter and claps. Hermione's embarrassment could not compare with Sirius' grin.

::..::

"Ron, Harry, get over here!" Hermione said frantically. Ron and Harry looked up from their lunch and watched as Hermione entered the Great Hall. "Can we go to our dorms?" She pleaded. "Sirius…well…oh my…you see…" Sirius bounded into the room looking happier than he had in years. He brandished a ring in mid-air and placed it on Hermione's finger. Ron seethed. Harry gaped. Hermione looked down at the huge diamond ring as if it were some kind of poisonous object.

"Introducing Mrs. Black." Sirius announced jauntily. Hermione reddened.

"Sirius, may we speak with Hermione for a moment?" Ron asked, making a fist under the table. Sirius reluctantly let go of Hermione.

"See you later!" He called as they hurried out of the Great Hall. The threesome ran up to their private dorms. When Hermione was sure no one was looking, she ran up to Harry and Ron's room, locking the door behind her. She pulled the paper from her robes and made Harry read it. Ron sat on his bed, confused.

"What are you trying to prove?" Harry asked as he folded the paper up. "What does this have to do with anything?"

Hermione sighed impatiently (come on, you know the one!), "Harry, have you been born in this decade?" Harry shook his head. "You see, there should only be one of you in this time. When I was using my time turner in third year, I know I had the feeling that there was more of me, because I only went back in time by a couple of hours. Do you follow me so far?" He nodded, but Ron was still slightly lost, because he had never used a time turner before. "You mentioned that you felt like there was two of you, remember?"

"Yes, but I don't understand…oh, wait." Harry widened his eyes. Hermione nodded. Ron sat up straight.

"What?" He asked, annoyed that he didn't understand.

"Ron, who is the one person who I have a mental connection with, who I can feel their emotions and fears?" Ron didn't have to say it.

"Are you sure?"

Harry looked at Hermione.

"It's really up to how you feel Harry." She said, looking at him with narrowed eyes. Harry took in a deep breath.

"Voldemort is in the seventies." He said, bowing his head. He shot it back up. "Wait. There's already a Voldemort in this time. Wouldn't I have felt a connection to him a while ago?"

"No, Harry." Hermione said. "You haven't been born yet, so Voldemort hasn't given you that scar yet. That's why you didn't feel any kind of power from him. But are you sure that you feel some from OUR Voldemort?" Harry sat next to Ron and pinched his nose to relieve him of his pounding headache. "Harry?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Right. Guys, I feel tired now." He said suddenly. Hermione frowned. Ron looked at him curiously. "I'm fine." Harry said irritably, laying back into his pillow. "Just let me think for a bit. Ron, wake me up for afternoon classes."

"…there aren't any." Ron said, staring at him weirdly. Harry shut his eyes.

"Oh, good. In that case, wake me up for dinner. Night."

"…night." Ron said, getting off the bed. Harry had sure gotten moody awfully fast. "C'mon Hermione." Ron ushered Hermione out of the room, shutting the door smartly behind him.

Inside their room, Harry sank into his pillow. Voldemort was in the seventies. But why? Was he _that_ determined to be rid of him? He was certain of one thing though: He was going to be prepared for him if he showed up. He grabbed his wand from the nightstand. He'd be ready.

::..::

Dramatic pause

OH, how I love doing that to my stories. Once again, FORGIVE me and please check out my other chapters to see if I should revise them. I REALLY need the help. Really. You don't want me to take that long to update again, right? Of course, I won't, but it would be nice to clean the story up a bit.

Cheerio. And remember…

REVIEW!!!


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